Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Your Own Company.

The other day I fetched Karen to the nearest Bunning's Warehouse so she could pick up a shovel to bury the dead bodies with erm, I mean, because Karen has taken an interest in erm, *nervous cough*gardening. Yup, gardening.

As I was pulling up to the parking lot and offering to stay in the car while she went shovel-hunting (what kind of a husband are you? I hear you ask. Yup, Karen's picked a winner, all right!), I realised to my horror that I had forgotten to bring my phone out. How on earth was I going to pass the time now?

While I sat alone in the car listening to the CD that was playing, my thumbs flicked nervously across a phantom screen that wasn't there and pressed imaginary buttons. The fingers played with the air-conditioning and radio like a chain-smoker trying to ignore his cigarette-less hand. The seconds dragged on into minutes and no matter how I adjusted my seating position, I could never get comfortable.

Five or six minutes of wrestling later and I finally surrendered to the presence of the only friend I had when I was alone - me.

My life changed forever when I first got my smartphone. Instant gratification of news updates came in the form of Facebook status updates or Instagram photos. With 3G, I could catch up on the news in Australia and Malaysia. And once I have exhausted all my craving for new information, I could beat up some poor character on Street Fighter IV (or have them beat me up, which is usually the case).

It was a beautiful distraction.

And so there I was in my car, and the first thing I notice was the music coming through the CD player. I remembered a time when I could remember lyrics to entire songs within four or five listens. I have lost that ability now, and I have always put it down to mid-life onset Alzheimer's.

Karen has another explanation though - she remembers a time when we were younger, when all we did was sit in front of our cassette players and listened. No TV going on in the background, no party to pump up the volume to, no smooth easy listening on your drive home. We just literally sat in front of our radios, hugging our knees, and listened.

Our imaginations would put the microphone in our hands, the stage lights in our eyes, that boy/girl of our dreams in the only chair in that empty concert hall. And we would sing. Over and over and over until the wrong words became right, until each inflection of the original singer was mimicked, until the concert hall overflowed with girls screaming our names, holding up placards like 'MaRRY Me!' and 'I'm PrEgnaNt! IT's YoUrs!'

What I realised as well in that quietness was that I was no longer being invaded by someone else's idea, someone else's opinion, and I could perhaps even form an independent opinion of my own. (Who would have thought?)

Too often we keep too busy and forget to enjoy our own company. We should get lost in our own thoughts once in awhile and see where the path leads us. We should have time to take stock of our days and think about how to make things better. We should have enough quiet to let our inner child run free, and paint the walls of our dark mind with colourful new ideas and thoughts.

We should give ourselves the chance to create, rather than consume; to reflect, rather than react; to process, rather than push aside our problems.

It may start by us leaving our phones at home more often.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

The Karen vs Heng Khuen Cookie Bake-Off

I remember it was the Champion's League final of 2005 and we had gathered in our pastor's house to watch Liverpool stage an improbable comeback to be the champions of Europe for a fifth time. We were all gathered there - a group of boys enjoying a moment of camraderie over what was a Malaysian's and Singaporean's favorite past time - watching some one else's nation play soccer.

Apart from that stirring match, what I remembered distinctly was his lovely wife wanting to make us feel at home, and effortlessly baking us cookies and scones to eat while we watched the match. Nothing parallels the smell of freshly baked pastry wafting through the house. Absolutely nothing.

I was remarking to Karen the other day, after she had slaved in the kitchen to make us a wonderful dinner, my memories of that night, and how 'easy it was to bake cookies'.

[Public Service Announcement: How to Have A Happy Marriage: A Guide for Aspiring Husbands Wanting a Long and Happy Marriage.] 

1. Surprise her with flowers, for no particular reason. If ever money was to buy happiness, this would be it.
2. Apologise first, and apologise often. Find out later what it is you've actually done wrong.

3. Never ever say how easy it is do anything. Not cooking. Not cleaning. Not giving birth. Ever.]


The gauntlet was thrown. I believe the exact words were 'You think it's so easy to bake, you bake lah!'

So tonight, was the official Karen vs Heng Khuen bake-off.

Since this was my first time, I was given the handicap of using a pre-mix while Karen, being the Domestic Goddess(tm) that she is, makes hers from scratch.

Well, I'll let the pictures do the talking:

And we're off! That's my pre-mix in the bowl with egg and butter
ready to go while Tortoise Karen is still measuring her ingredients slowly....*yawn*
Left: Heng Khuen the Hare springs into action, about to show the cookie mix who's boss.
Right: Heng Khuen the Hare realises that he should perhaps listen to instructions and soften the butter first.
An early setback! D'ough!

Left: Hand mixing the cookie dough melts the butter quicker! He's back in it to win it!
Right: Karen's cookie dough, looking all perfect and stuff. Hmmph! No matter!
The oven will be kind to me! (or I will leave a horse's head in its bed)

Top left: My cookie dough looks like tumors. Delicious cookie cancers.
Top right: Well, look who's all Famous Amos now.
Bottom row: The battle lines are drawn! 

Top: Here we go, oven! Be kind! (I have your family hostage....)
Bottom: The finished products. Time for...

The taste test!
Top left: Victory has never tasted so sweet!
Top right: A trip to the dentist has never tasted so sweet!
Bottom: Winners are grinners! (
as are cheaters. you with your Domestic Goddess(tm) powers!
)

Ah well. In all spirit of good kitchen sportsmanship, congratulations on beating me, Karen Yuting Poh.

Next time. I will replace your chocolate chips with pebbles.


Tuesday, January 1, 2013

A Life Less Miserables.


Les Miserables was my last film in a cinema for the year 2012, and there could not have been a better choice. One of the 'most important novels of the 19th century' and one of the longest running musicals in West End (since 1985), this magnificent musical has been masterfully adapted to the cinema by Tom Hooper (The King's Speech) with standout performances from Hugh Jackman and Anne Hathaway and an unlikely Master of the House in Sacha Baron Cohen and the talented Helena Bonham Carter.

When we first caught it on West End in 2009, I must admit, I didn't understand the plot completely. It is distracting enough with a musical to see people burst out into song throughout everyday scenarios, much less try to follow the plot.

I think these musicals need repeat watching in order to catch the story and shift the mind from 'Oh, wow, she sang that song really well, erm, whoever that girl was meant to be' to 'Oh, so that's what this story's about.'

Watching the movie really helped me understand the flow of the story better, and the multiple complex themes underlying - of class warfare, love in the time of Revolution, of unrequited and sacrificial love.

Although I didn't completely get the story the first time, one thing remained with me from the musical - the theme of Law and Grace.

Jean Valjean was a man who was imprisoned for 19 years for stealing a loaf of bread to feed his sister's son. Having served his time, he is released back into the world - first, filled with hope afresh which is then quickly crushed by the world's treatment of ex-convicts. It is in this state of desperation that he is invited in to the house of the Bishop, who feeds and houses the destitute Jean.

But survival instincts kick in and Jean loots the Bishop's house of his silver, before being caught by police and returned - beaten and bruised - to grovel before the Bishop. It is at this moment that the Bishop performs an act that will change Jean Valjean's life forever - he states to the police that the silver was not stolen from him, but actually a gift to Jean, and he proceeds to give him two more expensive silver candlesticks from the dining table, which he says Jean had forgotten to take.

It is this moment of mind-bending grace that Jean begins to realise that he must start afresh

'Take an eye for an eye
Turn your heart into stone
This is all I have lived for
This is all I have known
One word from him and I'd be back,
Beneath the lash, upon the rack,
Instead
He offers me my freedom
I feel my shame inside me like a knife
He told me that I have a soul, how does he know,
What spirit came to move my life?'                                                 Valjean's soliloquy

and he lives no longer in his old ways but becomes an honest man who will one day be the factory owner and mayor of the township of Montreuil-sur-Mer. He will later also find further salvation in the child Cossette, who will open his hardened heart further to love.


Contrast this to Javert, the policeman who pursues the criminal Jean Valjean through the years, in trying to uphold the Law as he has always done. He is a prisoner of his own beliefs - that crime must be punished and pursued and never forgiven because criminals are less than humans and beyond salvation.

Suffice to say, Javert himself is shown mind-bending grace in the climax of the show when Jean Valjean has the opportunity to kill him but lets him live instead. Javert, with a heart and mind long hardened by the Law, cannot comprehend this act of mercy, and struggles with this grace -

How can I now allow this man
To hold dominion over me?
This desperate man that I have hunted
He gave me my life.
He gave me my freedom.
I should have perished by his hand
It was his right.
It was my right to die as well,
Instead I live, but live in hell.                                                                Javert's soliloquy

According to the movie, those who live by Law will end up only in one way - a bone-crunching thud into the raging rivers of the Seine.

I think this movie resonates with all of us. Sometimes we are like Jean Valjean, having committed a sin in the past and finding very little forgiveness or grace from the world. We are judged for our choices, our way of living, our beliefs, for not living up to expectations.

Sometimes we are like Javert, with a very strong moral sense that every wrong cannot go unpunished and only good people will prosper. We hold grudges against our families, we envy our friends and hang on to old hurts from previous relationships or friendships.

Sometimes we are our very own Javerts, and we continue to be prisoners of our own guilt, living in hell for all the mistakes and indiscretions of our past.

This New Year's, may you find it in your heart to live, not by the Law, but by Grace - to forgive yourself and others.